I need edvise for my friend.

Question
Hi. I need your expert opinion for a friend of mine. Now he currently weighs about 195 lbs. and is about 5'11-6' But hes been getting really depressed lately. And now he is only eating very little food. Like he would have an egg for breakfast and like 2 slices of cheese throughout the day and around dinner time he would have a fruit snack or some fruit. He used to eat A LOT of junk food (thus how he got to 195 lbs). I'm really worried for him becuase he used to weigh 136 lbs (at the height of about 5'9-5'10). I don't want him to get down to that weight again. Plus the fact that he dances full fledged (about 2 hour) concerts almost every other day with a lot of dancing.

Now I'm really worried for him, becuase I don't want him to get back down to 136 lbs. at his height. I just need to know, how much weight will he loose and how fast? Because I'm trying everything to get him to eat more. I just need to know whats going to happen to happen to his body and at what rate.

Thanks for your help.

Answer
Dear Eli,

I don't think I am the one to help you. Your question gives met 2-4 different heights and many different weights. In all, a lot of numbers. And I am not a number-lady. So no clinical facts from me. But I feel compelled to give you a short response because you present a very cut and dry case of a guy who is discontent. This will show in fluctuating shape and size (if not height!). The eating-style, you have astutely observed, underlies this. As does the life-style. Dancing is great. Going out to concerts every other day is one thing, and could be an amazing experience. All the more so if we are talking Mozart here, but I guess we are not. A life style which pumps life up and out of you is going to take its toll. It will start to run you until you run dry and then all you have to fall back on is numbers, charts, statistics. Where is the Real You? This you have to ask him.

This You, this I am that I am, may be tall, short, large or thin. But until it is content and comfortable doing the right thing, and good deeds, things you really need to do to be unique and one single fully fledged self in a community,  you are not  going to look aright or feel aright in any "reflective" way (be it mirror or psycho-analytically).

Your concerns seem justified. Your friend sounds restless and not in touch with himself. You omit his age, unfortunately. It can be a guide. If he is in his mid twenties, it might be the only way forward, for you both to watch what happens next and to let it ride. He will hit a wall sooner or later. Until he faces his own depression there is not much you can do for him but wait to be supportive when and as he needs this support. Make sure you are not dependent on him, in the meant time.  Whether you ought to or can help him is a different matter. If he is younger than 21 he needs to be reigned in on the double (parental guidance or social workers). If he is over 28 he also needs to get a short sharp shock fast. If this is a life-long pattern he also needs professional help. If he remains in denial, it tells you all you need to know. Alas, somebody has got to show some indication of wanting to help themselves. Usually this comes after a breakdown. Starvation-modes are typical of someone going into combat mode and wanting to affirm false independence. It is a sign of mental stress.

Knowing what will happen at what rate to the physical shell cannot help you much. It varies so much per individual.There are extremes but upon average the body is fairly resilient. This tells you nothing though. It is his soul I worry about.

The core issue lies deep within and the first thing you have to decide is whether you want to be around when all the inner magma errupts. One day it will. Please don't get burned by it. Depressed people can be very selfish. They need to be, that is their path. But there is almost always very little you can do to "cheer them up"  or change their ways. One sits with them and waits. Extremely patiently. Depressives are the most stubborn of us all. It can also save their day, so patience will be your best virtue. A true friend will hang around, but don't sacrifice too much. It only goes to waste on the quagmire he is currently living in. Be warned some types yo-yo physically, emotionally, and mood wise for many, many years till they are ready to face their life-mission (balance, light, and gentleness).

Sending you much moral support, and best wishes for your friend,
Love, Evelyn.

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