growth

Question
QUESTION: i am 17 and 510-511 i noticed chest hair growing from past
3-4 months and now grown about an half inch or little more
.is this the sign of stunt of growth.i take half litre of
milk everyday .last i have grown about 1inch in august,i'm
a fat indian.my daily diet will be rice two times for lunch
and dinner,milk as said and any other junk items .i have
fear abt my growth very much that I eat lot of biscuits and
items which have proteins atleast thrice a week.i'm
bulimic.i know that sleep helps in growing,but as i am
studying engineering 1st yr there is no time for nice and
prolonged sleep.do these chest hair growing signs imply
that i may not grow in future?i'll be 18 by june 7th
2009,can you plzzzzzzzzzzzzz.... suggest how to grow i
stopped playing also ,does pediasure helps in growing?i am
so much worried abt my height ,plz sir don't say that this
is a good height .i want to grow still atleast 4 inches
more.can i grow? my body hair has grown resp. on hands,
legs..long back, now on chest and i noticed some rapid
growth on my hands side ways 4m abt 2 months or so.how can
i know that i may still grow.i'm so serious abt this
matter.daily i check atleast some 10+times my height and
in holidays so much.sir,i want to chat,if u have a yahoo id
mine is ,but i mentioned my gmail
id above.i beg u sir plz try to understand,i want to still
grow tall,can I?MAIL ME PLZ.
thank you

ANSWER: Dear Vinith,

It took me a while to respond to your question, because I took it very seriously indeed. I went back to my books to update my knowledge and it basicallly confirmed what my three nights of sleeping on it, already told me. You are not going to like my answer, for it holds no quick fix; but I am going to give it to you straight, and spend a little longer on explaining because I think it will help you move into a new phase.

In most cases by age 17 or 18 you have stopped growing taller and reached your adult height. Every person has a predetermined limit, and while severe malnutrition (like in war time, or during famine) may temporarily stunt growth, you will catch up with increased nutrition before reaching adulthood or simply not have survived that long. You can never exceed your predetermined limit even with power food and sometimes that limit is simply really short. I don't think malnutrition is the cause in your case. For the rest, only chronic, endocrine and genetic illnesses can otherwise truly stunt growth, and there is no remedy. Problems with testosterone (the male growth hormone specifically) would also effect hair growth in other places, and retard other male adult developments (incl. voice). It's for you to know if this is the case. You would then be wise to consult a medical specialist, for then, only hormone therapy could help. Somehow, though, I don't think this is the case, either.

Let's be clear, first and foremost, that it is quite pointless for society to take height as a sign of wellbeing and good health. There is also an esoteric understanding that makes sexual attractiveness based on height very "animal" in that it would reflect a "survival of the fittest" ideal. When you look at what energy causes growth, it is interesting to see how much taller people are nowadays, compared to a century ago.   

Some feel a protein rich diet has contributed to this, but closer investigation does not provide convincing evidence. Some feel it is modern convenience others find it a sign of hybrid-defectiveness. In any case, the facts don't lie most people in the world now (providing certain circumstances) not only grow taller but also grow up sooner than our great grandparents. This acceleration, as it is known, began around 150 years ago and while  an average German male (only reliable statistics available) was VERY NORMAL at 5'.6" and taller people were almost freaks, now, 6 foot is about the minimal Paris-Milan-New York "cat-walk" standard!  To add to the boring facts: statistics tell us that the average Indian male is one of the shorter peoples, at around 5'.4". In most countries many men are still comfortably short by up to two inches "missing", without feeling too "odd" about it. However, I can understand that in your case, especially if you measure yourself by Western standards or know many non-Asians you might feel particularly short. I personally, would not take you any less seriously for it, but we can look into the valid reasons why you might feel insecure about it.

With regard to your diet, there seems to be a one-sidedness as far as I can tell from the little information you gave me, with a lot of rice (high in calories low in protein) and as to be expected, at your age, the unwanted "junk" which cannot be helping to keep you trim. Just bear in mind, that, in general, the shorter male will feel even shorter if he is "bogged down" by excess weight. The lighter he feels on his feet, the more agile he can move about, the less of a stocky IMPRESSION he will give. Note how shorter males tend to be "busy" or compensate with "macho" behaviour. Not that I want to guide you into that direction! But hard reality will show that short men can be really groovy to women if they have something interesting to say, and know about style. Even a more feminine type of short male can be very masculine for a kind of sexuality typical of the male (think of - the artist formerly known as - Prince, 5'.2"). So shortness dooms noone.

From the few clues you gave me, I got the overall impression that, if anything is "stunted" about your development, it will be your self-expression and a sense of concrete purpose in your life. It seems like you are holding in a lot of your personality. Perhaps, you need to convert it into something more complex, and only you know how cramped you feel, or whether you have insecurities about your sexual orientation. Such details also have bearing on how your energies are flowing. Any which way, a bit of faith that all will work out just like you foresaw from the Heavens above while you were pending this current incarnation might not go amiss. Do not forget to compare your height to the average in your parents' families, since genetics are very dominant with regard to height.  Then take care not to take a karmic predisposition (which is all inherited matter is) into your personal individualisation process. This means, you need to find a way to free yourself up from this height/hair/development issue. It's okay if it takes a few more years, no worries. But don't waste your time worrying if you can help it. Only at age 21 will you have reached full maturity (by esoteric standards).  This means only: that you then have access to your full potential. It takes a life time to realise it!! For now you are really going to have to consider yourself in rehearsal.

I have come across several cases where development was somewhat "stunted" in one or more physical areas (boys and girls, if differently), but seldom was there a hormone deficiency. There are other explanations for such "malformations", which indeed, sometimes defy your DNA blue print. You must never forget that you are made by processes and that you are not just a compilation of molecules. It is important that the elements that go into making you (your bio-chemistry) must be of sound quality, but organising that is the clue (it's not so much the stuff that counts - maybe an engineer can also understand this...). Man's body is a kind of temple. Inside many mysterious things take place.

Eventhough it would take an expert, Ayurvedic or Anthroposophic physician to examine you in great detail to corroborate my intuitions, checking your development  and biography so far, I feel you could do with stimulating your so-called Astral body on a more physical level. Right now it's up in the top room: thinking too much. In the meantime your etheric forces could be getting away with murder, or at least lazing about and just building up happy cushions (of fat). The fact that you are somewhat obsessed with checking your growth (several times PER DAY!) and your worries about the cessation of the growth of hair on your chest also point to an imbalance in your astral-etheric field.

Clearly, your nervous system is strung out. This is probably because you have a lot of male-power in you but no way to vent it. Perhaps there is no more height/hair in your DNA and yet you have "growth" still within you.  Neither furious studying or worrying will bring about much relief. There is a way to remedy your situation, but subtle details still evade me. So forgive me a more general answer at this moment in time. And at times I have to make bold assumptions. The little I can do is correct the more obvious errors of your ways. But it might sound like your mother wagging a finger at you.

Let me addres the topic of hair. Realise, in itself it is quite a dead product (a final mineralisation of skin, like horns in animals, or nails and tooth enamel in man). The soft, usually lighter and longer and more radiant hair of babies and young children point to the etheric qualities of the human expressed in hair. I don't know if you are familiar with the Old Testament story of Samson - of which there are other versions in world Mythology relating the same truths. Samson's strength lay in his intuitive connection with the higher worlds, which was expressed by his gorgeous locks of hair. Once this connection was severed (wicked Delila cut his hair!) he soon found himself "in the dark" (he also became blinded) and he was sentenced to a life time of "milling", no better than a "beast of burden". Eventually he brings down the temple with new strength (his hair had grown back!) by pushing outwards two pillars (much more can be added here....). All this illustrates something akin to the  "coming of age" in each individual. But in this day and age we also have to understand more and more the macro-cosmic level through the micro cosmic one. Guys with problems like yours will be the first to understand what I mean by this).

You must know that there is a big difference between man and woman. It is sort of illustrated to the dimmer amongst us in height and hair. Women have long lucious locks on their head, and smooth bodies. Men have beards and hairy chests. This is to remind us of the following truth:  the male of our species must sacrifice his memory of heaven and the Wise One and push out the angelic-divine pre-natal and post-mortal recollections to root himself more firmly to the earth - his new (if temporary mother). Woman, indeed, is not meant to divorce herself that much from her spiritual knowledge and memories of her original divine nature. There are pros and cons about both set ups! But so be it. The wiry hairs of the male, his musky smell, the strong bone structure and powerful musculature is all an expression of the Charioteer: the soul who will man his span of horses, and drive through life to complete his mission. No wonder dudes like cars....

Back to your problem. You apparently have not "touched down" as naturally as an American Football player. That hunk of a man on a mission to plant - a ball....... May you note that people from Asia, incl the Far-East are generally much less "hairy" on their bodies than Kaukasians (especially around the Mediterranean) or even Arabs. The negroid race, too, generally, has less body hair, because of their darker skin, which more or less already functions as a similar etheric "expression" of astrality.  I can add from an esoteric perspective, the Indian race especially, but also American Indians and Polynesians and Maoris for example,  are not traditionally the most earthbound peoples.

Next to all this, note that there are biotopical factors which create these variances in height and hairiness,  which also "overcome" race because race, per esoteric definition, is just a rudimentary way of forming very generic groups by which souls can quickly orientate themselves upon incarnation. Each race has a slightly different emphasis in their life-time experience. We all get a turn in each race. All this you need to get a whiff of if you are to seriously address your height issue on a profound level.  In a way, your problem is a larger problem - and not just about four inches.

There are various explanations out there attempting to find exogenous factors in our daily lives that determine growth and physical development. Nutrition has indeed improved - or at least the theory about it! There are "dark" forces that "stunt" on the one hand and "progress" (especially in technical fields). No light without darkness! No tall without short.... It is about appreciating what we DO have. Things could be worse - therein true positivity resides, as yet.

There are improvements and aberrations in our human development within calcuable time, but the significant increase in height world wide, or the insane speeds at which we now can run (and keep breaking Olympic records) points to something beyond simple cause and effect. The interaction between your inner and the outer world is more subtle -  and to respect how fragile this harmony is I must tell you about how you started growing in the first place.

As a child  up till age seven, you used up your pre-natal energy and used the nurturing of your mother predominantly - in a natural case  through daily care - to build up your organs and complete the basic systems of metabolism, nerve-sense, and motor-coordination, already laid down in the fetal stage.  From age 7 to around 12-14 yrs you gain more independence and start to acquire knowledge and practice living life proper, with childhood diseases, and first special memories formed by new experiences and budding unique personal responses.

Then as a teenager you form your "etheric heart" which is formed by your own efforts, as you discard your inherited characteristics, working them out into your (ever dying) physical body, keeping your inner world exclusively for your own spiritual individuality.  It is very difficult during this period to concentrate on serious studies, although it cannot be helped that society demands the most intellectual results from you, during those years of major and definitive change.

In effect, there is a real tug of war going on between your upper and your lower pole for astral energy.  Both your maturation and your metabolic system, as well as your mind for studying (with all its new emotions beside) need its attention. This is where sleep comes to the rescue. Often teens sleep too much (when they get to lie in) - that is more than they need to, falling into a lethargy, which should be counteracted with healthy diet and plenty of exercise. The other extreme is - as in your case - studies rob them of regular and sufficient sleep (which should be at least between 6-8 hrs). I doubt it is a question of actual sleep DEPRIVATION, which if prolongued, would cause long term serious health risks at your age. But above all, it is important to realise what sleep does for you. It is also a reason why teens can sleep excessively sometimes while they rave on all night on the other hand. You already intuited the importance of sleep. Because you are struggling with your current growth issues, you could do with all the spiritual guidance you can get. This you receive during sound sleep.

It is important to go to sleep with a calm mind - read something spiritually uplifting, or poetry before going to bed. Listen to relaxing music, and don't eat at least 2 hrs before going to bed. Take a shower  to wash away the day. Consider going to sleep as a fresh START to a new day. During the night, spirits can work on your astrality and help replenish it. In a real sense, a good night's rest can make you feel reborn like a new MAN.... if this does not help shape you up to meet the fullest physical potential that lies within you (set in your DNA with regards to height and hair growth) then nothing else can.

To underpin this rebalancing of your energies you can focus on a diet which gives you a bit more "grip" on life. A diet is a REGIMEN, a discipline based on understanding your true, and ever changeing needs. Not just appetites. This does not necessarily mean taking in more typically protein-rich food, especially if you are a vegetarian: cheese and more milk will not help you much. If you are not a vegetarian, see to it that you also eat very high quality animal flesh, which I am not one for promoting! but don't omit it out of laziness for example, since you could do with some "masculine" food. Kidney beans and soy, however,  also have a large amount of "astrality" about them, as compared to the gentler lentil or the softer seitan. Eggs are also great - but mind cholesterol so not more than about twice a week. Nuts and seeds are good, because they are warming foods. Rice, alas, is cooling and very much sustenance type food  (think of the humble monk with his bowl of rice....). As long as the rice is brown or parboiled, at least, you will get some valuable minerals, otherwise you are consuming a lot of "stodgy" stuff. If you can try to get some other grains - wheat at least if you live in a place where there are no oats or barley. If you can try quinoa or amaranth it would be good, since they are also rich in protein.  Millet is always a fine neutal filler. Potatoes in your case might also do you some good. I am not a great fan of them in the Westen diet, but they can help ground you.

Watch out for sugar. Especially white beet sugar. It gives you a direct "hit" but false sense of self. The energy boost you get is quite void and actually burdens your system (complex metabolic story to do with Ego forces). You may find yourself also reaching for a lot of salty snacks, but they are usually very rich in fat. Salt stimulates your astrality, and heightens consciousness indirectly, but again it can become a very void boost if taken in excess and furthermore very damaging to the rest of your body. Sugar and salt are so popular nowadays because they are fast fixes. But know that slow development is best, also on a physical level, as well as in how nutrients are absorbed. This way you grow spiritually and not just big headed. Retardations of your type tend to try to confer this message. Let sugars be unfolded by your processing systems: eat carbs that are whole grain, tubers and fruits (which incl. veg: pumpkin, courgettes, aubergine, tomatoes etc).

Root vegetables embody a "salt processing trigger" so they will do, the hard way what kitchen salt does fast. This is true body building: the purpose ultimately being a building of character. Health, longevity and great sex are really only all achieved by great characters. Also try eating salads if you can. Eating raw vegetables in salads will activate your digestive system and force your astrality down into the lower pole, making it work up a "sweat". If that sounds manly, it is because it does take a robust system to cope with raw food. Train up that body of yours within and it is sure to radiate without.

Milk contains plenty of protein, and as an animal product helps influence your astrality and till age 21 aids in masculine self-expression, however it is still a very "nurturing" type of food ("baby food") and not going to help point you in the direction of standing up tall and strong. It sustains and therefore is valuable. But if you eat yoghurt or curd, you are dealing with a more neutral product (processed, removed from the animal) and this gives you basic protein you need to work on with your own energy: this creates a lot of character. With all these pointers, remember, if your spirit is not ready, so be it. Even if you stay under parental wings till age forty it could be just what you need. Drinking lots of milk is a bit like a parental wing.

Above all know that what matters in eating is your ability to process the foreign matter, incorporate it and make it work for you. Realise you transform the substance into human building blocks, but no healthy diet can declare there are products you could ingest  directly to affect growth. This is why hormone supplements are such evil, deceptive things when taken to increase already normal levels: they literally stunt your soul. In a way such a "drive" to develop is all around us all the time (modern culture, social expectations etc.). Know this and don't let it bully you.

Don't be tempted to do all or leave all for the burning desire to be taller. Don't fight Karma. Focus on what you want and be honest about if it is what you need. Recognise obsessive thoughts and question what lies really behind them. Some things you have to leave up to Mother Nature. Sometimes you have to have faith, and concentrate on working on the things you can control which may not give you instant personal success. Learn to manage time on a bigger scale.

If you don't normally guzzle too much coffee, by all means have an occasional cup of coffee to help balance out your energies - don't sip too much tea. Take a spoonful of honey rather than sugar (bees work wonders). And finally, but probably most importantly: get involved with real life. Smell, taste, touch with curiosity, zest, interest.

Challenge yourself to take up something different. Pick out a random book from a shelf in the library, open it up somewhere and read out a paragraph. Find the message for yourself therein.  Hug a tree (not a softy thing to do, at all!) since it's all "sap gone hard", the miracle of raising the quintessence of earthiness up into life. Help the aged (help an old lady cross the road). Pat a dog, kick a ball back to a child. These things all help quicken your energy, so that what growth is NATURALLY left in you can come out unhampered by stress, worry or too much intellectualisation. In the mean time, chill and contemplate the higher meanings of life - you are probably not meant to be a jock, a hunk or a stud because you have very important things to achieve in your adult life.

Finally, take your time: you have a whole life to grow - that is the gowing that really matters for all eternity. Beautiful souls will always recognise your true stature within you.

Not that it may help you feel much better, but personally, I've seen greater works accomplished by shorter than taller men.

Don't forget, any further concerns about your testosterone levels and related organ developments warrants your visiting your GP, or a clinic for a quick blood test. Setting your mind at ease is priority no. 1 right now.

I wish you all the discipline and confidence it takes to embark on a balanced and holistic life style. Any further questions regarding details on diet are always welcome.  May the good forces be with you,
Blessings, Evelyn



---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I'm fortunate to get your answer sir.I don't know why I'm
so stupid,a kind of disgusting person to many.in my
schooling till my 10th standard everybody use to tease
me,than my intermediate which has become a turning point in
my life.I realized many things and also experienced many
hardships.I troubled my parents so much that they even in
some situations have laid on my legs.really in INDIA,which
is a country of sentiments,customs,one-marital
relations,its a big sin what I do to my parents.more than
them I give respect to my school friends who are a few.i
hesitate them,i beat my brother sometimes in some extreme
situations.I also do'nt have many friends and people to
understand my emotions,feelings,but you understood.I'm
happy about this.I don't share certain issues with my
parents because I'm shy with 'em in certain matters.in my
intermediate 2nd year i got many pimples,so I stopped
showing my face to others eventually hurting my parents.I
also developed bulimia,O.C.D and I'm a very hysteric
person.there are arousing many social evils in the society
and I have came across some.my  dad is a very daring
person,but i feel sorrow if anyone back answer him and play
pranks on him,even I sometimes do so.one day when I was
with him I in one particular situation one guy has showed
him a bad kind of action with his hand thumb upwards and
little finger down and folding the rest of fingers.that's a
bad bad meaning[my friend told me]this is an example.so I
want to stop such sought of things.for that a good
personality is required definitely,but ex:Mahatma Ghandhi
did not have, even though he bought freedom to India.but
that's different.sorry if you get bored.and also I have a
desire of becoming tall.your understanding and view about
me was incredible and after many days I've come across a
true good intellect in my opinion.and also in my new
engineering college there are guys who even drink.I have a
fear that I may quarrel with 'em.so this is my other
quality.moreover I'm fickle minded and you wonder that I've
got many handwritings.I don't understand what I'm
talking,I'm deviating from the topic because after many
days I've got an opportunity to share my feelings... with a
special person,i.e you.once you can visit my college to
know about what kind of environments i'm facing in:
www.dvrcollege.com and my blog address is :
vinithbejugamchemicalengineering.blogspot.com.I'll surely
come to america for pursuing my higher studies[M.S] then
I'll meet you personally sir.I hope so.keep mailing me
frequently sir because I new feel you as a close person of
mine,otherwise I'll be lost in this crazy world.
thank you very much,
keep mailing

Answer
Dear Vinith,

First of all,  I am not an American and do not live in America.
Nor am I a "sir". But neither these facts (clearly stated in my profile, b.t.w.) matter much. May they merely function as a breather, since you have come to me entirely out of breath. Come and sit down with me for a moment and have a cup of licorice-cinnamon-ginger tea. Let me explain to you what is the matter with you. Be prepared for another lengthy response, since I want to travel slow to help ease your nerves.

It is always a case of hit or miss if I can help somebody with their question, since it takes a lot of intuition to answer from such a distance in a web of electronics. I generally sense straight off whether the questioner has been directed to me by higher forces or not. Your case is one typical of my having indepth understanding of your imbalance, so I must presume your guardian angel really needs you to take proper hold of yourself and haul yourself up out of this maelstrom you've landed in. You are currently going round in circles, neither sinking nor swimming. I can explain to you why in one simple way: your are insufficiently astralized. You are refusing to get down to life. Possibly because you had a few knocks early on in life - but they were also caused by Karmic pre-disposition: i.e. it is time to trust that you were not handed more than you could handle. Now, add up what you've got on your soul-plate, and feel proud that you can handle so much. But you have lost a handle on the world.

There is an unclear boundary between inner and outer, and you are as it were, missing a soul skin - which manifests itself in hyper-sensitivity and emotional turmoil, indeed, hysteria. You alternately cramp up and exude all over the place. You have lost your rhythm - probably because you needed to learn an entirely new dance this time around. All your psychological symptoms, incl. the bulemia are typical of this imbalance. You even came down under the influence of  Gemini which is particularly good at churning high energy into a volatile and erratic mindshake or meltdown.

You must take care that your condition of Hysteria, caused by a weak astral body (and not only a term for a mental condition in Anthroposophical medicine,  but used to describe aberrant complex and fundamental metabolic processes) does not imprint its seal upon your physical body and specifically tax your kidneys, gall and liver. For this diet can most certainly help, as well as certain life-style and attitude changes. These must not be forced upon you like dogmas, but blossom through understanding and accepting yourself. This takes time and much self-discipline. But above all trust in a higher purpose.

Naturally, expressing my own opinon here, and not at all dismissing the value of organised religions, I have experienced how we cannot eat or live in a certain way to reach God (whom I, at least, cannot "map" in a fixed place, like on a throne). We can only find God together. In a meeting of souls, you will find God inbetween. This seldom happens. Usually our egos get in the way, and we create a bog instead of a heaven between us. To some of this it becomes (subconsciously) very demoralising and our souls want to up and leave again, especially during the third seven-year phase. We want to "go back home" and refuse to incarnate properly as we MUST before age 21.

Love of course is the path that brings people close enough for them to discern this Inbetween where "true bliss" lies. Too little do first have this confirmed by our mothers, kindergarten carers, family lives. But Love is more than safety and acceptance. It also has the quintessentially human quality comparable to "dying and going to heaven". Yes the "little death" and "ecstasy" of more physical and mundane experience of sex comes to mind, and not for no good reason. But seldom is this properly understood. Of course, it doesn't take sex to "know" it, and indeed seldom is knowledge as obtained in such a manner ever properly understood. But it is the reason why the astral body also works on our sexual maturation, expressing in as many ways as possibe how we are soulbeings in a vehicle of flesh for very specific reasons (part of a Mysterious Plan - we are co-creating).

Vajra Yoga, Agni Yoga and Tantric Taoism come close in lending this Human Potential words and practices. But it is all but approximation. We have been given physical bodies like "books" to read and learn from. Or notebooks to write our own findings in. They are where we can "take to the stand" and "testify" to the truth of Man's Potential to be a co-creator, divine, better than a "disgusting" beast or fodder for evil forces.

Your life is to become a court of law where judgments can take place, with tolerance, compassion  and empathy.
And a temple where you can worship in gratitude and humility, applying devotion and faith.
Also a garden for beauty and awe and discovery, which you must learn to tend dilligently.
Your life is to be lived in a body you have created all by yourself. At first, as a fetus many forces came into play for its creation. Each seven-year phase you personalises it more and more, as I explained before. Right now, you need to learn to stand more firmly on your own two feet, but the serious walking starts at 40 - you better be really ready and trained up by then! You have places to be and trains to catch at different phases of your life. Being late is not an option - but each phase is somewhat different for each individual, with their own personal timing. Your Guardian Angel/Guide has the time table.

You speak of wishing to emigrate for a shorter or longer while, which may or may not be wise (USA is not the land of milk and honey, after all!) but it is healthy to feel a need to pull away from your parents. It will, at times, feel like pushing them away (with criticism and dislike). You ought not to blame them for doing only what they knew how to do, eventhough they may have been stricter and harsher towards you than is advisable. Please, rise above their limitations and stop using acquired behaviour and acting out your frustrations on your poor kid brother (yes, yes, I know he's probably a monster, at times too... but violence is for inane makaaks).

Right now you are lacking structure in the head-pole. Your nerve-sense system is overworked. But this is actually because you are not being self-ruling enough. Following set patterns (even your own ones) makes you prematurely old and dry, stiff and heavy, which frustrates your true character all the more. You then decompensate with anger and agitation. Self-rule is about being responsible, a man with a plan in practical matters, but with a lot of space for improvisation. Humour is a great space-maker.

You want to communicate (which Gemini does not!) and  you are probably pre-destined to become good at it, and indeed it is now time to use that skill to first and foremost help yourself. You need to learn to reach out, effect, indeed MEET yourself. Start writing your thoughts about the (wicked or confusing) world or your own aspirations down in succinct, clever pieces of writing (not furious polemics which will incite quarrels). You must learn to be confrontational in a sensible, calm and deliberate manner, with gentle resolve and clarity. Confront yourself by placing yourself in the world. In there you will find much "power" that literally will help you stand tall and proud. Overcoming fears, embarrassments, dislikes all help.

So far, you have created a great divide between your inner world and the outer one. Your emotionally difficult childhood has dimmed your inner light. The qualities of joy, youth and promise have been smothered in you by early pressures and unfair expectations you could have done without. Eventhough you are fighting for your sanity and progress you are actually thrashing the pool that has formed in that rift of real you and pretend you, rather than treading water patiently. You have to wait for the water to go down, let it evaporate in sunny meadows until you find the ground beneath your feet. You cannot scramble out onto one of the sides - which one, after all?? You also cannot swim one way or the other, for you will still be trapped in a gulley of your inner making. So first, you will have to "go lower", feel more pain suffer more cruelty before you can undertake healing action. It's called facing reality. Once you have done that you will discover a new way out of the valley of sorrow, the dark night of the soul. But you can handle this.

We have already established that your thinking needs to become more connected. Right now you are jumping all over the place as a consequence of your Hysteria-condition. (Note I do not state the inverse.) Remember always to tackle the problem quite concretely and physically - exercise, diet, loads of self-expression, daily interaction with nature, real experiences, all works better than psycho-analysis or reading philosophy in my experience. But poetry and art, small spiritual rites, quiet contemplation and talking to friends about your worries do help. Your soul should be flowing, not jitter-bugging between upper and lower pole. The rhythmic system is the main mediator in this: hence the absolute priority for you to take up meditation with very simple breathing exercises.

Sit down quietly.Exhale as deeply as you can. Then breathe In to the count of four, Out to the count of eight and Pause to the count of twelve. No, you won't choke to death. Do this EVERY day for three whole breaths minimum. Increase till you can meditate at least 20 minutes 3 times a week on top of this. If you can, learn some basic standing Yoga exercises since they help rebalance your systems. It's not about the knots you can tie yourself into but the awareness that you are a body surrounded by space.

Next effective measure: brisk walking/jogging. You need to bring air into your system and sense continuity. Hopefully you don't live in Mumbai! Fresh air is of the essence and peaceful, expansive landscape or open forest is best. If you can find dappled sunlight shining through large trees, and bathe yourself in that showering of glory, you will be healing yourself in big gulps. Sit on a bench outside and connect smells and sounds. Make bead-strings of sense impressions, collecting more beads each time you practice. Learning the names of trees or flowers or birds, or new colours, can be very helpful in enhancing your observation skills, which are extremely poor now. You get "impressions" but those are like flecks of colour, not flowing compositions. You need to screw up the eyes of your critical opinion and peer out with the eyes of objective observation. Then the fragments will begin to form a cohesive whole. Life will become a puzzle pieced together and you will find yourself as the puzzle maker, at last.

That which you name OCD is also a result of a disorderly astral body. You are not suffering from OCD technically speaking, since that is a psychiatric disorder for which there is no cure, since it is founded on a deep seated (genetic?) disposition. You can learn to live with it.If you do think you have it, you need to see a psychiatrist, no kidding. But I think you have developed similar traits and are creating a disorder you can fight given a bit of self-medication. No, I don't mean drink or drugs, perish the thought! I mean tender loving care. Not swaddling! But a firm hand that tells you to chill.

Ease up on yourself. Know you are not perfect,and right now you are letting yourself down for being so self-absorbed in a self-destructive way. Your angel is very disappointed and pulling out his hair in frustration. Why won't you listen to your inner voice more!? Light a little candle for him every day will you, just to show you can also think of someone else beside. He'll give you a wry smile in return, I don't doubt.

I know as a scientist you have to doubt much and remain ever sceptical and critical, statistical and empirical, but this chemical engineering - a neccessary step for you to take on your ladder up and onwards since occupational independence will heal you much, too - is only what you need to DO not what you are. Make sure it is the right subject for you and then stick at it till you become good in your field. The rest of the world that comes with it, though, will continue to tell you very little about who you ARE. At times you must just suffer it bravely and work on self-knowledge, on the side - actually letting it interweave with your mundane profession but not interfere.

It is important to creating interest in the outer world - snapping out of yourself. This "interest" is literally the space where you will find your Self  the Latin meaning: inter + essere = being in between; the clue about that I have already talked about above).

I sense that your showing such self-awareness (albeit more self-centredness -  an ironic term  that points to a false centre of confusion and a fake image of self) is a sign of great potential. The problem with it though is, that it can really set young people on a "make or break" course in life for a very long time. I am hoping that with some solid advice and a fairly stern counsellor of sorts you can receive the help you need to get to where you need to be going faster than people of my generation ever could. Time is no longer on your hands in this day and age. You need to find focus fast. And that means finding your Higher Self, making no mistake about who she is or not (yes, the wise things about Man are always female...).

It is important to look forward, which means you need to quickly resolve your childhood traumas and issues. You need to forgive yourself and others, without finding blame, but taking accountability for your future.  Sometimes this means a radical break at your age. Beautiful reconcilliation often can happen again after such partings and periods of personal growth. I understand culturally and emotionally it may be hard to do (no different in the"West" really). But your body is asking you to also consider youself as more than a product of culture and society, and your cerebreal functions.
Acknowledge the soul-being you are. Stay as questioning as you like as to what on earth that really might mean! It will only take you ever closer to the truth. All questions tell you: the answer lies with in. Esoteric law has it that asking a question without knowing the answer is impossible. But knowing things that hide in the unknown is tricky stuff....

The hardest thing you will have to learn is that the pain of your existence is self-inflicted. It comes from not being responsible enough for your spiritual development. It is something you share with approximately 6 billion people, if that may be a small consolation to you!

Make sure you eat iron rich foods, including spinach (leafy veg is good for the rhythmic system) and roots. Honey, mustard, onions, garlic, horseradish/wasabi type condiments are good for bringing the "sulfur" out of yuor head and back into the lower pole.  Grains also contain a lot of iron and B vitamins which support proper incarnation. Take care not to overexert yourself at night, since your astral body really needs to be received by the higher worlds in a workable state. Much healing can be made available to you there during a good night's sleep (not to be interchanged with afternoon naps - there are factors having to do with the dark that matter here). Be kind to your kidneys, keep them warm, and be careful with salt. Plenty of carrot and beetroot juice might do you some good. Citrus fruit is good. Lemons excellent. Also in the bath. Cold face wash and a rosemary wash/bath in the morning will set you up to work out spiritual advice from the night before. Do one spontaneous thing a day (you have too many habits).  

So much for my tips and considerations. Now it's time for you to set to work! Take it slow and steady. Consider yourself to be on the verge of a nervous breakdown and remove all the stress you can from your life. Take a lot of time alone to reflect. Avoid quibbling. Formulate a sentence in your head before you say it. Try to find the good in everybody, or just accept that everybody has their own course to follow: most of them will not appeal to you at all. But fear not that they will hinder yours. Just keep taking one step at a time till you feel surer on your feet. Look before you leap. When in doubt don't do it. Things happen when you least expect them. Have a dream and take care of it like you would a pet (so don't cuddle it to death, extoll it or neglect it but nurture it regularly).

If you feel a worry coming up, do a breathing exercise instead. Think of the universe surrounding the earth globe in tones of violet becoming ever lighter before going to sleep. Try to count fireflies (or very light sheep).Turn that inner restlessness into true mobility of soul. Life is a dance. Your soul is begging to be taught more steps.

Warmest and most supportive regards,
Evelyn.  

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