eating disorder

Question
Hi,

I put "eating disorder" as the subject line for this e-mail because it's the easiest, shortest way to describe my problem; but there is more to it than that. I don't have an actual eating disorder, I just have an insane fixation on food. I'm not obese, though I could stand to lose a few pounds, and I eat very healthily as far as the content (amount is another story) of what I eat, but I think about food constantly. I think about how many calories I've taken in, how many more I have, what I can eat that fits into that limit, how far over the limit I've ended up going, what I can eat tomorrow, what I would eat if I wasn't such a health nut, how much weight I should lose...it's a constant barrage of useless thought. There's also a physical side to it all, I'm not really bulimic but I do go on binges where I can't control myself (once again, I can't control the amount but I always end up bingeing on healthy things like go-lean cereal, or vegetable soup), but I try to make it up with more exercise...I'll admit I have tried the whole purging thing but I always end up stopping myself at the last second because I know the way I think and act and I know if I started that I wouldn't be able to stop. Anyway...the reason I'm writing is that I just moved out on my own (I'm 18 and just started college) and I've had to start grocery shopping for myself, and the first few times it was alright, but I'm starting to have panic attacks in the store, I end up literally putting down everything and just running out without buying anything sometimes because the weight of all those thoughts and temptations and worries gets to be too much to take...when that started happening I realized that this whole food problem I have is, and has been putting my life on hold. It's like some kind of focused ADD, I cant think about necessary things like school work or my artwork(I'm an artist) for more than a couple minutes without being interrupted by thoughts of food! I really don't know what to do, if you have any suggestions I'd be more than grateful, thanks for your time,

Hope

Answer

Hi Hope, thank you for writing to me about this sensitive issue.   I receieved a similar question last week, and I am going to copy & paste my answer below, since I would answer exactly the same in this case.   Please read my previous response and see what you think:
Well, it sounds like you have 2 separate issues here.   The first is the weight loss & weight management.   The second is much more complex, which is your emotional attachment and control issues surrounding food & eating patterns.   
Let's deal with the first area--weight management.  Your height and weight are pretty much in alignment (5'4 and 135 lb), so you don't have a serious problem with obesity or anything like that.   However, you probably do have too much bodyfat, which is why you are looking in the mirror and not liking what you see.   In fact, your height & weight don't tell me a whole lot about your body composition, and I can show you two different women who have these stats, but look completely different (one will be lean,  the other will be flabby).   So don't focus so much on the "weight" from the scale--go by your bodyfat, and how well you can see your abdominals and other muscles under that layer of fat.   If you can't see any muscle tone, then you know you have too much bodyfat!   
To solve this problem, I would strongly recommend you go to www.oxygenmag.com, which is a fitness site for females.  They have fitness diets that you can follow, and recipes that you can use for entertaining, bringing meals to work, etc....the recipes take only 5-10 minutes to prepare, so you won't be slaving away in the kitchen!    This website is designed for beginners through advanced fitness athletes, so you can tailor your plan to suit your needs as you improve your physique with healthy eating and training (cardio and weights).    Doing weights is a highly effective way to quickly bring you that firm, lean, toned body that you are seeking.   This is the easy part.....
The 2nd issue is much more complex, but I think you already have half the battle solved, since you are AWARE of your obsession with food, and you understand that it isn't normal.  It is okay to think about food, and plan your meals, and be diligent about healthy eating (ie. I always plan my restaurants if I will be eating out with friends, to make sure they have healthy selections......if I go out shopping, I prepare food in advance and bring it in tupperwares so that I eat healthy , even at the mall).    However, when your thoughts about food take over your life, and interfere with your functioning at work and personal time, then you know it is a problem that is out of control.  Ironically enough, your behavior around food is actually about control--it is one of the few things that you can plan, organize, make decisions, and get immediate gratification upon consumption.....take a look at your life in general, and see which area you are feeling out of control (ie. you are not able to make decisions, etc), and you will see that you are most likely manifesting your feelings onto food (which is something that you CAN control).   However you want to deal with this is up to you--you can seek therapy, and there are some great self-help books as well if you don't have the budget for therapy.   One book I recommend is "Feel The Fear And Do It Anyways" by Dr. Susan Jeffers.   This book is the ultimate "bible" to get you through all of life's curveballs.   
The thing that makes your obsession with food so difficult is that you need food to survive, and you can't just "quit"  (unlike smoking or gambling or gaming addictions).   Food is prevalent and a huge part of social behavior, and well, you just plain need it to live!   Learning to separate the facts (you do need to trim up that bodyfat) versus emotion (obsession with food, hiding food, compulsions, etc) will help you to stay on your weight management plan and achieve physical improvement, while still allowing you to address your obsessive/compulsive behaviors with food (which is actually a control issue, but you happened to choose food as your object of control).   Seek help for your control issues, whether it is in your marriage, job, family, outside pressures & obligations, etc, and keep that separate from your weight management goals.     I hope that I have demonstrated that there are clearly defined boundaries between the two issues, and even though they can overlap and become intertwined with one another, it is possible to examine each one separately, and have two plans of action for each.  
This should help you get started, and make clearly defined decisions for both of these issues.    
Crystal

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