so confused...

Question
I am so confused, I am not even sure what my question is.  I used to be borderline anorexic at 5'6" and 100 lbs (I was this weight for 1 year), then after another year-long bout with bulimia I started eating really clean and became a ripped 120lbs. This lasted only a few months before I started binge eating and quickly became a chunky 140lbs.  A year later, I now eat what I want (within reason) and am stable at 130lbs, but I am not happy with my figure at all.  I want to lose at least 10lbs and be ripped again, but I am afraid that if I diet I will get another eating disorder.  Even the thought of dieting makes me want to shovel food in my mouth, and the thought of losing weight makes me secretly want to lose A LOT of weight.  Sould I just stay how I am now, healthy but unhappy with my shape? I want to look amazing.

Answer
Hi Rebecca,
There is no problem with wanting to look amazing!!!   That is your body, and we only have one on this earth, and it should be treated like a temple!   With that being said, if you are unhappy with your body, then definitely take it to the next level.....the healthy way!!!!   Your issue seems to be as soon as you start dieting, you don't know how to control yourself, and let things get carried away.    Perhaps you limit your food intake too much too soon, which will leave you very hungry/cranky.    So then you overeat because you are ravenous, and then feel guilty because you ate, then vomit, overexercise, etc..... This cycle is common, and the solution is very simple.   If you are THAT hungry that you constantly suffer, and it drives you to binge eating, that is a very good clue that you are not providing your body with enough calories to sustain your energy levels throughout the day.   You should still be able to lose weight, and be only slightly hungry, not ravenous.    If you are ravenous constantly, then you are not eating enough  a) calories, or b) fibrous foods.     Try b) first.   Meaning, increase your veggie servings throughout the day.    Are you eating veggies with every meal, or almost every meal?    If not, this may be your problem.   When rationing out your food, if you are only consuming, say 4 oz chicken and 1/2 a sweet potato, no wonder you are still hungry!  That doesn't take up much room in your stomach, and will get digested fairly quickly!   Make sure to eat plenty of veggies at EACH meal (even in the morning if necessary....ie a veggie omelette), and drink a full glass of water, iced tea, etc with your meal.   That should do it.  If you are stiill hungry after that, make a cup of hot herbal tea, or sodium free boullion (chicken or beef flavor).     Eating every 3 hrs or so will help you mentally in knowing that your next meal is only 3 hours away!      Try this out for a week and see how you feel.   If you are still ravenous, then add an extra 2 oz of meat per meal, or add an extra meal period!  You didn't say your daily calorie intake, and if it is really low, this make anyone go crazy with hunger, so what you may interpret as an eating disorder, may actually be self-inflicted, unintentional calorie over-restriction (which again is a common mistake that people do when trying to lose weight).    Your first week into a diet should only be reducing your daily calories by 200 calories MAX!   And make sure you are eating at least 1500 calories per day, and more if you are active in the gym or sports..   There are calorie charts that you can type in your height and weight, and activity level, and it will give you an approx. calorie amt to follow.   Use this as a general guideline, but you don't have to follow it to a T.  I just want to make sure that you are not eating 800 calories (which is WAY TOO LOW).
Good luck Rebecca

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