twin eating

Question
I have nine year old boy/girl twins who have been different from Day One.  The boy, born at 3 lbs. 5 oz., has always been perfectly healthy, but is still small for his age.  From Day One, we have had to ENCOURAGE him to eat.  Although he has never been a picky eater, food just doesn't seem to matter much to him.  At the pediatrician's recommendation, we add additional calories to his daily food consumption any way we can.  (Whole milk, butter on his toast, a cheese stick in addition to his regular school, mayonnaise on his sandwich, a handful of sunflower seeds after dinner, etc.)  This intentional increase in calories has helped.  After twelve months of actively increasing calories, he now weighs 55 lbs. and is almost 51 inches in height.  He has almost caught up with his sister.  All seems to be going well.  
HOWEVER, his twin sister, about 57 lbs. and 51 inches, has always been a true lover of food.  She eats a wide variety of foods, but is drawn to all junk foods.  She willingly, and without complaint, eats breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks, as they are served to her.  The problems arises in the fact that she is aware that her brother is being given additional things that she is not.  She understands from a logical mind, that he is given these things because he doesn't eat at other times.  He will eat HALF the school lunch that she does; he will skip the bread at dinner; he will opt for yogurt as an afternoon snack, while she chooses yogurt, strawberries, and a treat from her Easter Basket.  Even though she watches first hand as he consumes less than she does, she feels cheated when her ham sandwich isn't spread with mayonnaise.  Worse, I try to put his mayonnaise on without notice, but of course, she is aware of what is taking place.  I absolutely do NOT want to cause food issues for her. She simply doesn't need an additional three hundred calories added to her daily consumption.  She is such an agreeable child and never complains about the situation, but I wonder what we are doing to her precious sense of self.  I would love any advice you have in balancing family dietary needs when they vary from child to child. I am desperate for advice!
Many huge thanks for your time,
Mary

Answer
Mary,
I would suggest giving them BOTH choices. Say,
"Alright, Billy, would you rather have mayonnaise on your sandwich, or a treat from your Easter basket? How about you Sally?" Then make them stick to their choice.

This teaches Sally that while you can have the things that you want, you can't eat *everything* you want, and gives her some control, so she retains her sense of self. Because Billy is choosing his foods, you may find that there are easy ways to get his extra calories in by paying attention to the choices he makes.

Also remember that girls tend to grow faster than boys, and that he just might be different. I ate nothing but fruit and meatloaf for a year when I was nine- I know it is hard for a mom to hear- but don't worry so much! Relax and let your children eat! As long as they are healthy and aren't pounding down junk all the time, give them a little leeway to figure out their bodies and what makes them work.

Hope this helps,
Lela Simon
http://www.LelaSimonWellness.com

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