How to handle weight gain of daughter

Question
Hello Cari,
My thirty daughter has been gaining a few pounds every year since college. My ex-wife, her mother, did the same thing. Now it seems that my daughter is using the same defense mechanisms and self-deception, e.g. "no time", "hate to run", etc. etc. It is hard to watch her spiral into this, as her mother did. My daughter is only about 15 pounds overweight, but her mother is about 60 pounds over. Should I just continue to shut up or should I say something? I have a good relationship with my daughter and of course want to continue that. She is married and has a two year old and she is very busy. When she was young she was super active, playing volleyball at a high level, but now she is becoming increasingly sedentary with each year.
In a quandary.
Thanks much,
Dave


Answer
Hi Dave, your daughter is lucky to have a Dad who cares... now the big question is how to get your caring across in a way that is perceived as the loving intention it is, in a way that is effective!  So here's one thing that I find very commonly - nagging doesn't help, all it does it to get people's backs up, and we don't want to spoil your good relationship.  So here's your challenge - she obviously used to love being active....what could you say or do that would remind her of how she once loved it?  What kind of conversations would remind her of how vibrant, alive and healthy she felt when she was active?  What would get her to look beyond busyness and look through different eyes at living an active life?

Here's my take on exercise - it has to be fun (you can read more about this at http://www.ditch-diets-live-light.com/exercise-fun.html)and it has to fit into her life otherwise it'll never get done and new Mom's are challenged with their many demands.  Now here's another thing about mom's - I know that they will do practically ANYTHING for the health of their children including things they don't seem to be able to do for themselves.  So I'm wondering how you can work through her two year old to help her regain her love of activity.  My latest book, "Mom, pass the Broccoli' (if you want more details about it you can contact me through the contact page on my ditch-diets-live-light.com website) has wonderful fun ideas about how parents and children can be active together, pointing out that the most important factor in raising happy healthy children is the role-modelling provided by parents.

Kind regards
Cari

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