eating disorder weight gain

Question
Hi Laurie,
I am so glad I found this site; I am hoping you can provide some much needed answers for me.
I am a 25-year-old female, and have been struggling with an eating disorder (bulimia and chewing and spitting) since I was 19.
Since then, my weight has fluctuated from 106 to what it is now, 124. (I am 5'5")
I am dating a great guy, and want/need to get healthy, but I am so scared of gaining weight.
For the past two months, I have been eating better, not purging as much (although I still do several times a week) but my weight is continuing to go up. Seeing this makes it very hard to stay healthy.
For the past week, I have resorted to my old habits, purging more and spitting out food that I eat instead of swallowing it. I am so discouraged because I am not losing weight at all, even with an hour of hard exercise a day.
My eating disorder has not changed much in the past six years in terms of my habits (although, I exercise a lot more now) so why is it so much harder to lose weight now?
I am scheduled to see a nutritionist next week, but I am scared that actually eating that food will cause even more weight gain.
Please help, this disorder is ruining my life.

Thank you,
Jessica

Answer
Hi Jessica,

I'm so glad you wrote to me. I can sympathize with your situation. I know it ruins your life because it is such an obsession you can't focus on anything else without it getting in the way.
A nutritionist (or dietitian) will be able to help you design a healthy eating plan, but this won't help the fear of gaining weight go away.

You are trying to eat more healthy, and at the same you are still trying to lose weight. It's great that you recognize your attitudes towards food and weight are not in line with what it healthy and that you would like to change. That's the first step! And probably the most important one :)

Change is always scary. The first step is to find a specialist in your area who deals with eating disorders. If the nutritionist does not, she may be able to help you find someone who does. A counselor/therapist is the way to go. If you meet with one and you don't feel comfortable, find another one! You do have to match up personalities when you get into a relationship with a therapist--and they won't all suit you. It has to be someone you trust, who you can be honest with about bingeing episodes or over-exercising and someone you don't feel you have to lie to in order to protect your disorder.

I have seen many young women go through therapy and it's most scary for them to let go of it, since it's something that's been with you now for 6 years. A specialist in the field knows this, too, and will be able to help you. You might try this site
http://www.edreferral.com/Referral%20Request.htm
or the 1-800-renfrew number if there is a renfrew center near you (here is their site http://www.renfrewcenter.com/locations/index.asp). Or if you like, you can tell me what major city you live near and I can help you find someone.
You can often find an anonymous support group meeting, either alone or at the same time you are seeing a counselor privately. It might be helpful to know others are going through what you are going through and feeling what you are feeling.

Have you ever received counseling in the past? Is there someone you liked who helped you?

I would like very much for you to keep in touch and let me know how you are progressing :)
I'll also be right here if I can answer any questions or support you in some way !

Laurie

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