Weight problem

Question
Hi. I am a 26 year old woman who weighs four hundred pounds. I hate myself. I know that I am fat and ugly, and that other people are disgusted and repulsed by me. I have always struggled with a weight problem. I am an emotional eater. I turn to food when I feel sad and lonely, and it makes me feel better temporarily. I will eat cake, cookies, ice cream, pizza and other fattening foods. I rarely leave the house, and all of my friends are on the internet. I just got out of a relationship with a man I met on a prison pen pal website. He was so charming and sweet at first, telling me how beautiful and smart I was. He made me feel special. But then he "found god" and started being posessive and controlling. He said that I would have to learn to be more "obedient" and "submissive" because that is what "God" expected of me. He would belittle me and my opinions. Somehow I found the inner strength to end the relationship, but am now having second thoughts. Even though he is in prison for life for murder and attempted murder, he is the only man who ever paid attention to me. I fear I will NEVER find a man who will even give me the time of day because I am fat and ugly.

I have so little to look forward to. I have been saving up for a long time for a vacation, and the time is finally almost here. I only have one close friend, but she lives very far away. But once a year we plan a little road trip, and go somewhere different. That is the only time I ever do anything fun. But the problem is because I am so heavy I tire easily, and I can't do very much. Like for example, I would LOVE to go to Sea World, but I know I probably shouldn't bother spending the money. Because I will walk for twenty or so minutes and then not be able to go on. I'll get out of breath, my back and feet start to ache etc It's embarassing. I feel like I am missing out on life. I have TRIED to lose weight so many times, but the minute something goes wrong in my life I am back to stuffing my face. Sometimes I wish I were dead. I have lots of health problems as a result of my excess weight, including high blood pressure and diabetes.

I guess I just needed someone to talk to who might understand what I am going through. I know most people hate fat people and just think we are lazy. I am not lazy though. I WANT to do things, but I am just so tired all the time. I sleep away most of the days. Thanks for listening. I would appreciate any advice you could offer.

Sincerely,

April

Answer
Dear April

It really saddens me that we live in a society where three little letters FAT carry such harsh judgement and such stigmatization.  Here's the problem I have with it.  Our Creator didn't make anyone less or more Sacred than another.  You at 400 pounds are every bit as Sacred as me, or someone who weighs 140 pounds. No one person is any better than another - at least not in our Creator's eyes. No-where in any holy text do you find specifications that say that you have to weigh x, y or z or have a certain body shape in order to be worthy.  And the biggest problem of all is that our culture is so harsh and judgemental about our bodies that it's helped even you forget that you are an amazing and incredible Sacred Being.  No-one has your talents or your uniqueness - no one can ever take your place in this world - EVER!  You are special and the size of your hips and tummy is way way less important than the size of your heart and spirit.

April hating yourself isn't a soluation... if hating yourself and calling yourself judgemental names helped one little bit, you'd be perfect now.  The answer is love, and you don't have to wait until you're some or other weight in order to start loving and valueing yourself.  YOU ARE WORTHY OF SELF-LOVE RIGHT NOW.  Your Creator doesn't love you any less because you're large.

We keep focussing on our body as the problem, actually the biggest problem is that we don't love ourselves enough to make healthy choices.  So here's what I'm going to suggest.  Stop trying to lose weight.  Yes you read right.... you've been focussing on that for years and it hasn't worked - right?  Instead focus on making self-loving choices.  Choices that make you feel good inside.  And I'm not talking here about those temporary fixes..... where we 'comfort' eat.  You and I both know that 'comfort eating' is comforting for only a few minutes and after that it's uncomfortable both physically and mentally.  

Start slowly regaining your fitness.  Don't go out and do anything drastic.... just start with one minute of walking a day - do that for one week.  Then next week walk for 2 minutes a day and build up slowly.  Don't try to change all your eating at once....  and please please do some reading on my website: http://www.ditch-diets-live-light.com where you will find tons of infomation on healthy weight loss, and join my free online forum where you can chat to others who will support, guide and cherish you for the marvellous Being that you are.

With warm love
Cari

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