Emtional/Mental Health Post Bariatric Surgery

Question
I am about 3 years post bariatric surgery. I am in excellent health and have maintained my weight loss nicely. I engage in physical exercise on a daily basis and have been participating in road races. After I started loosing weight and taking better care of myself I realized that the person I once was no longer existed. For example, I realized that the reasons why I was unhappy not only included my weight problem but also included my unhappiness with my marriage. I tried to encourage my then husband to take part in my new found life but he absolutely refused saying he did not care about the way he looked. I tried a few more times but as always it failed. I then realized we are and were two completely different people whose marriage was headed for dissolution. Now three years later I have moved out with my 4 kids, filed for divorce, and have family who judge me behind my back about how much I have changed for the worse. I don't understand why they are judging me because I want to be happy and healthy. They say that it is not happening but when my kids come to me and tell me what has been said it makes me concerned. Have I made poor choices? Sure. Haven't 99% of people. I guess to make this long story short I had some questions regarding mental health. 1. Is it normal for divorces to occur after one spouse had gastric bypass. 2. How to I deal with these people who seem to be passing judgement when they only see a small portion of my life? 3. Should I seek a mental health counselor?

Answer
Chris,
You ask some interesting questions and it is somewhat difficult to generalize across the board, however having said that I will continue to explore. There are a lot of changes beyond the surgery which do impact not only you, but also your loved ones.

Bariatric surgery initiates shifts not only in the physical but also on a psychological level as the thin person who was trapped inside finally rises to the surface and develops. Interpersonal interactions are effected not only because society 搒ees?the bariatric patient differently and in a more positive light, but also because the patient sees her/himself differently and incorporates the positive regard from others into positive regard for self. The development of self-confidence and increase in self-esteem certainly feels good, but requires changes to the unspoken contracts formed with loved ones. Changes in ourselves always require changes in others and resistance to those changes can create conflicts that may or may not be resolved favorably. Does this help?

I would be careful of becoming defensive in these interactions but encourage you to process and evaluate the feedback you are receiving and discuss it with someone you trust, a good friend or a mental health counselor. In regard to your marriage a mediator may help and couples counseling can be very helpful in stabilizing the relationship and clarifying communication and goals.

As far as individual counseling is concerned I feel that is always a good idea, especially if there are conflicts which remain unresolved for a period of time. I am a strong advocate of counseling for the bariatric patient as transitioning to a new role is challenging.

Additionally, the development of a self-life was likely effected by overeating behaviors by way of repression or difficulty in establishing boundaries. In other words there is a need to adapt to the physical changes as well as development required on an emotional level to maintain the weight loss over the long-run. The surgery is a tool which helps in losing weight, however without psychological recovery those results may be short-lived and more painful than they need to be. So yes, counseling is a great idea as it will help you adapt to changes, give you an alternate perspective in regard to relationship, as well as assist in mitigating conflict with loved ones and others close to you.

Thank you very much for your questions and best of luck to you.  

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