How to Tell if People-Pleasing is a Trauma Response

1. Do you ignore or minimize your own feelings to avoid conflict or hurt others' feelings?People pleasers often put their own needs last, even when their feelings are hurt or their needs are not met. They may ignore or minimize their own feelings in order to please others, avoid conflict, or from fear of being abandoned or rejected.

2. Do you feel responsible for other people's feelings and emotions? People pleasers may take excessive responsibility for the feelings and emotions of others. They may feel guilty or ashamed if someone else is unhappy, even if it is not their fault. This can lead to feelings of resentment and anger, as they feel like they are always taking care of everyone else but no one is taking care of them.

3. Do you feel anxious or stressed when you are not meeting others' expectations? People pleasers may feel anxious or stressed when they are not able to meet others' expectations. They may feel like they have to be perfect and that they will be rejected or abandoned if they make a mistake. This can lead to feelings of burnout and exhaustion, as they are constantly striving to please others.

4. Do you have a hard time saying no? People pleasers often have a hard time saying no to requests from others. They may feel like they have to say yes in order to be liked or accepted, even if it means overcommitting themselves or doing something they do not want to do. This can lead to feelings of resentment and anger, as they feel like they are being taken advantage of.

5. Do you feel worthless or insignificant when you are not needed? People pleasers may feel worthless or insignificant when they are not needed or appreciated. They may believe that their only worth lies in their ability to please others. This can lead to feelings of depression and anxiety, as they feel like they have no purpose in life.

If you answered yes to any of these questions, it is possible that people-pleasing is a trauma response. Trauma can lead to people-pleasing as a way to cope with emotional pain and feel in control of their environment. If you are struggling with trauma-related people-pleasing, it is important to seek professional help. A therapist can help you to understand your trauma response and develop healthier ways to cope with your emotions.

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