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Is Self-Respect The Key To Weight Loss?var  

While I was growing up in Manchester, NH, I felt so unhappy and unloved by my adoptive parents that I turned to sugar to fill the void. The high-calorie sweets made the weight pile on, and by the time I reached my early 20s, I topped 200 pounds. I wasn't comfortable and constantly felt judged by others; it was only when I was around my heavier friends that I felt like I could be myself. I've always used humor to disguise my true emotions, so I started filling my journal with fat jokes, like You know you're fat when your butt is so big, your cat can sit on it when you're standing up. That sounds really awful, but if I didn't laugh, I'd cry.

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When I was in my late 40s, three of my close friends opted to have weight loss surgery. Instead of feeling happy for them, I felt betrayed—like I was going to be the only fat person left. While I would've loved a "quick fix," I knew weight loss surgery wasn't the right answer for me. My problems with food and weight stemmed from my belief that there was something wrong with me. (Are you an emotional eater? Learn how to break the cycle for good.)

Knowing that once my friends lost weight, they would be able to do all the things I've always wanted to do—like hike, bike, and kayak—inspired me to start walking on the treadmill and watching my diet. I lost 100 pounds over the course of a year, but life got in the way, and the number on the scale started to rise.

The Power of Positive Thought
Partially out of fear that I'd be overweight for the rest of my life, I signed up for personal training sessions. I felt like it was my last-ditch effort to be happy, so I made a commitment to do everything my trainer asked of me. The workouts were difficult, but knowing that I could complete them helped boost my confidence.

A few months later, the gym's owner offered to help me with my diet. I told myself I'd give her the same respect that I gave my trainer and do everything she recommended. That's when the lightbulb went on: Why was I willing to give my trainer and diet coach, basically two strangers, a level of respect that I wasn't giving myself? I deserved—no matter what I weighed—to treat myself with kindness. I no longer had room in my life for negativity, especially from myself, so I stopped writing fat jokes in my journal. I replaced the negative entries with affirmations starting with I know I'm healthy because...It was my way of celebrating how far I'd come. (See why science suggests you keep a journal, too.)

Once I started listening to my body and trusting myself, losing weight became easier. Instead of being ashamed of my body and ignoring it, I started to pay attention to its needs and wants and how the foods I ate made me feel. I finally got to a place where I believed, with all my being, that eating healthfully and exercising were what I wanted to do. I no longer viewed myself as a fat person who made healthy choices because she had to; I was a healthy person who made healthy decisions because that's what made her happy.

Three years after I started my weight loss journey, I reached 138 pounds. I call it my forever weight because I know I'll never let myself reach an unhealthy weight again. More important, I've discovered that my strength and self-worth have nothing to do with the number on the scale.

The Cost of Fat Talk

It's time to finally ditch the female bonding ritual of body bashing (such as "my thighs look hue today") for good. Women like other women more when they have positive relationships with their bodies, researchers ssy. So the next time you're gabbing with friends in the locker room, embrace your belly, butt and thighs—no matter what their size—and express some self-love! Making a pact to skip the fat talk will win you friends and self respect.

More from Prevention: How To Fall In Love With Fitness

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