At its worst, my depression left me practically housebound. I would send the kids off to school (I also have a son who is now in his early 20s), close the blinds, eat until I was sleepy, and then take a nap until the kids got home. Cheese, pizza with extra cheese, and pizza rolls were my go-to foods. At age 36, I weighed 330 pounds, and just getting out of bed was a struggle. Everything on my body hurt. I felt ugly and fat. I thought the world hated me, and I hated myself.
I knew I was in bad shape, but the real wake-up call came during a doctor's visit in 2012. My blood pressure was so high the doctor recommended I go on medication. I remember the nurse saying, 'Once you start taking this medication, you will probably have to take it for the rest of your life.' Those words rang in my head. I knew my high blood pressure was due to my weight; in other words, it was under my control. I left without the medication.
Photograph courtesy of Tiffany Kessler
My son was playing high school football, and he was working out extra to lose 20 pounds. Around the time of my doctor's visit, he told me he had reached his goal. I realized it was time to set a goal for myself: I stood in the doorway looking down the street. I went out on the porch. And then I forced myself to walk to the corner of my block and back. It was like I was coming out of a cocoon or something. That little walk was the beginning of a new me. (Burn calories and build muscle—all while boosting your mood—with our 21-Day Walk a Little, Lose a Lot Challenge!)
The next day, I put music on my phone and walked around the entire block. I got a taste of what endorphins can do, and it felt unbelievable. When I got home, I started searching on the Internet for weight loss tips and exercise advice. I joined a gym and signed up for kickboxing and Zumba classes. I literally went from night to day in my attitude and drive to get healthy and lose weight.
I won't sugarcoat this: The exercise was really tough at first. By doing kickboxing and Zumba at over 300 pounds, I paid the price with a torn meniscus in my knee. For a while, I worked around the injury, bandaging my knee with neoprene braces. I walked up to 5 miles a day and continued the classes—and the activity helped me start shedding weight. It felt so good that soon I was doing it 7 days a week. Once I had lost 50 pounds, I scheduled the surgery to fix my knee.
I also changed my diet. I used My Fitness Pal to help me eat no more than 1,600 calories a day. I stopped drinking soda, which was huge. Because I tend to focus on how much I can eat, I switched out calorie-dense foods for calorie-light ones. I couldn't believe how much lettuce, tuna, or chicken breast I could eat for the same number of calories as a slice of extra-cheese pizza!
Today, 3 years after I emerged from my cocoon, I am nearly 100 pounds lighter and a completely different person—anyone who knows me says this. Instead of hiding inside my dark house, I can't wait to go outside in the sunshine and get moving. I feel positive and confident, and I hold my head high. I still work out almost every day, combining walking, Zumba, and strength training. I just did a 5K.
Photograph courtesy of Tiffany Kessler
One important change that motivates me: I help other people through a Facebook page I started called It's Real and I'm Living It. I have more than 10,000 followers who I try to inspire with exercise tips, motivational advice, and food and recipes. I still have days when I wish I could sit on the couch and veg out in front of the TV, but my page helps keep me accountable—it's like my own personal trainer. I also started a closed support group within my page. There are 300 people in that group who I talk to every day; it's a place they can go for support and to feel safe.
I've encountered darkness and self-hate, and I can honestly say: If you don't accept that you're turning to food to make yourself feel better, you'll end up unhealthy, unhappy, and facing potentially deadly consequences. The key is to take that first step by discovering how great it is to be active. It's OK to be a little selfish when you do this—spend time at the gym, cook healthy food, and set aside time for yourself. Because when you become healthier, you become a better person in every other aspect of your life—a better parent, friend, employee, or whatever. I used to hide in misery, and now I wake up and look forward to a happy, active life each and every day.
