Weight Loss – 10 Tips To Avoid The Holiday Bulge

Do you find it almost impossible to stay conscious and
contentious about weight and nutrition during the holidays? Of
course you do. More than half of all Americans are overweight.
All American’s are in this together.

You can take heart from a new government study which shows most
Americans gain about a pound over the holiday. You’re not alone.
The study shows that during the holiday period, for the people
in the study, two main things influenced the holiday weight
gain: level of hunger and level of activity. Those who reported
being less active or more hungry had the greatest weight gain.

If you can stay focused on dealing with just those two things,
you’ll probably win.

“An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of weight gain,”
according to Dr. Samuel Klein. He is Director of the Center for
Human Nutrition as Washington University in St. Louis, MO.
“Preventing the increase in weight is a lot easier and better
than actually gaining weight and then trying to get it off
again.”

The answer is simple. Eat less and exercise more.

The good news is that most of the people overestimate how much
they had gained. Fewer than 10% gain 5 pounds or over.

The bad news is that although the one pound gained seems like a
small amount, that weight WAS NOT LOST during the rest of the
year and those single pounds accumulate over the years and add
up to obesity.

Here are some helpful hints and tips put together by skinny
people to help you avoid the tiny little weight watching issues
you face during this joyous season [along with the thoughts
going through weight watcher Wanda's head as she listened to the
skinny people happily chirping out their advice. NOTE: Wanda
isn't her real name.]

1).”You SHOULD stay active, darling. The best thing for you to
do is to stick to your regular schedule and routine.” [Routine?
Wanda's family doesn't have no stinking routine in November and
December. Wanda doesn't have no stinking time for her regular
yoga classes, workouts at the gym, long dog walks, you ninny,
because in addition to shopping, home decorating and cooking,
Wanda has to take every one of the kids to EXTRA practices and
activity for pageants, concerts and freaking fund raisers!
Wanda's too ACTIVE to stay active, darling.]

2). “Don’t let yourself get hungry. Don’t arrive at the party
starving. Be sure you eat your normal, healthy meals, especially
breakfast. A protein rich breakfast “resets” the body and starts
it off not hungry. Don’t starve yourself, thinking you can “save
up” calories. Fill up before the big holiday feasts with healthy
vegetable snacks.” [Normal? There ain't no stinking "normal" in
November and December, and Wanda's not sure she ever has normal,
healthy meals. She's got a life to run. Wanda doesn't't't know
where YOU'RE having Thanksgiving, but Wanda's family's appetizer
table has God's own Cheese Puffs and Ruffles with sour
cream/onion dip, Brie on sourdough and 80 plates of cookies and
bowls of peanut M&Ms on every available surface! There is nary a
vegetable snack in sight.]

3) “How can you keep the pounds off at calorie rich parties?
Stay away from the food! Literally … stay on the other side of
the room from the buffet table or appetizers tray. [Wanda liked
this one. She'll just go plant herself in the bathroom and lock
the door. Maybe she can find a place under the pile of coats in
the back bedroom. A nap sounds nice.]

4). “Wear clothes which are slightly tight and your favorites.
You’ll think twice about the third helping if you can’t let your
belt out a notch. Always remember there’s about 8 pounds between
dress sizes.” [What skinny sadist came up with this bright idea?
Wanda bets she's a size 2, and hides an eating disorder!]

5). “Portion size is the real secret. Keep salad portions large
and all other portions extra small. When it comes to sweets,
think quality, not availability. Just because the candy corn is
there doesn’t mean you have to eat it. Don’t be afraid to cut
off “just a bite” of a high calorie treat. Put the rest back on
the serving tray. If you’re the hostess, pre-cut high calorie
items into tiny portions to help your friends. Just a bite may
be plenty to satisfy you. [Just a bite! Just a bite? Wanda's
stressed to the max and darn it, Wanda DESERVES a candy treat
... and a WHOLE one. Heck, Wanda's double stressed, so she
deserves ...]

6). “You don’t need to be stressed. Take Time for You. Get a
massage or a nice facial. Sit down and slip your shoes off.”
[Don't you know Wanda's facing a month and a half on shopping
overdrive and the only place to sit down is at the mall's
fast-food court? McDonald's doesn't have a massage spa. If Wanda
slips her shoes off, she'll NEVER get them back on again, you
fool.]

7). “Keep up your food diary … every day of the holiday … it
will help you pinpoint your special weaknesses. Just one 150
calorie chocolate chip cookie each day will add up to an extra
pound in only 3 weeks.” [Wanda can't even find her food diary in
chaos house. And, she really needed the information on the
cookies. Thank you very much. Wanda just ate three, and she
doesn't need any food diary to pinpoint this little weakness.]

8). “Only eat things you really want and care about. So what if
your neighbor brought okra au gratin everyone’s raving about?
Use that space on your plate for a homemade roll, hot from the
oven. Put real butter on it. Life is choices. Treat yourself to
what you want and LEAVE THE REST IN THE SERVING DISH.”[Good
advice. How thankful do you think Wanda'd be after a feast of
Brussels sprouts and tofu salad while she's passing the yams,
potatoes and gravy to Aunt Lucille? Wanda bets Lucille's glad
she got granddad's wiry build instead of those wonderful wide
childbearing hips from grandma's "peasant" stock!]

9). Drink water instead of alcohol which has empty calories and
lowers will power. Avoid sugary sodas which throw your
metabolism into pendulum swings. [You didn't mention eggnog.
Eggnog is OK, then, right?]

10). “Don’t eat while you cook. Those little “tastes” can turn
into 1000 calories before you’ve blinked.” [Wanda just spent 304
hours in the kitchen, cooking. She HAS to taste everything
before she serves it, or they'll hate it and won't love her any
more. And besides, cookie dough doesn't have any calories, does
it?]

Well, that’s all 10 pieces of holiday advice. Here’s just one
parting thought from Wanda.

[Santa’s fat and everybody loves him! The baby Jesus is fat,
too. The turkey is so fat it can hardly stand up! Nobody buys a
skinny Christmas tree, do they? Get a grip. Get a life. Have a
HAPPY holiday.

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