I’m Not Fat, I’m Fluffy

I’m Not Fat – I’m Fluffy!

A distorted body image is one of the symptoms that define
anorexia and related eating disorders. Patients may be painfully
thin but still see themselves as fat while they continue to cut
calories, over-exercise, purge, or use enemas in an effort to
lose more and more weight.

Those of us who enjoy normal weight often also suffer from a
warped view of our physical selves. Like the old carnival house
of mirrors, we fail to see the true reflection of our bodies
because of an inner eye that focuses on the elements we hate:
sagging arms, nobby knees, saddlebag thighs, a roll of belly
fat. That personal distaste for certain body parts is what
drives slender, attractive, healthy individuals, despite the
adverse reactions of family and friends who see no need for
change, into cosmetic surgery.

Those of us who are overweight also display selective vision. We
tend to avoid full-length mirrors, preferring to focus on just
our upper body and face. When we do catch a full glimpse, we
suck in our stomachs and look at ourselves sideways, trying to
convince ourselves that we don’t look as overweight as the
scales so nastily suggest. We believe that our clothes shrank in
the wash or that the size tags are in error. In our mind’s eye
we see ourselves as we yearn to be and linger long on the
fantasy of how great we will look when we can get into our
favorite outfit.

So no matter our weight, our body image frequently fails to
reflect what is in the mirror but represents what is held in our
mind’s eye. The closer we can approach to the differing views
being compatible, the more comfortable we will be in ourselves
and the more valuable any changes we seek to make.

You may have gained, and lost, an appreciable amount of weight
several times on your life, as many of us have. There were
undoubtedly times, on your way up and down the weight ladder,
when your appearance and your self-image diverged. This can be a
critically dangerous time. If you are on a diet and losing, but
still see yourself as fat, you become anxious: “This diet isn’t
working,” and the chances of your just giving up become
significant. If you are gaining and still see yourself as thin,
you ignore the need to take immediate action until one day you
can’t button any of your clothes. You look at the scale in
confused surprise: how did this happen without my noticing it
ten or fifteen pounds ago?

To permanently control our weight requires a constant awareness
of our body in all of its full reality. It doesn’t matter if we
want to be model-thin, enjoy a middle ground, or even have no
emotional distress at remaining pleasantly plump, we need to be
aware of our external presentation in order to accurately
internalize all aspects of our appearance.

An accurate self-appraisal of your image-in-the-world makes so
many decisions easier: should I eat dessert? Should I drive over
to the gym? Should I take a walk or start that new thriller I’ve
been dying to read? Because you’re aware of what needs to be
done, and what is allowed, you shake the burden of guilt off
your shoulders and can truly enjoy the activities you choose to
pursue. Your mental and physical efforts are synchronized which
avoids self-destructive vacillation — “Should I or shouldn’t
I?” – and the later self-disgust when you feel you made the
wrong choice.

How do we train ourselves to coordinate our self-perception with
our self-presentation? It is undoubtedly a difficult task to
accomplish. How many times have you been astonished to learn
that others see your words and actions in a totally different
light than you meant to convey? We judge others, and they judge
us, by external criteria. I am only completely and intimately
knowledgeable about one person in the world, me, because I am
privy only to the internal criteria of myself.

We are now going to try to turn ourselves inside out in order to
look at ourselves with both an internal and external view.

Here are some personal characteristics and attributes. Since we
are focused on weight and body image, the primary listing
relates to that. Since you’re going to a lot of effort to get
this information, and to create confusion in your respondents
about what is your primary area of concern, I suggest you add
the additional areas.

Physical: Height Weight Shape General Appearance Hips Chest Arms
Legs Posture Ways You Move Attractiveness Grooming Hairstyle
Wrinkles Looks What Age Voice Age-Appropriate Taste In Clothes
Make-Up Expertise Bearing Teeth Fingernails Appearance -
Strongest Points Appearance – Biggest Shortcomings

Other: Usual mood Politeness Attitude Confidence Level Empathy
Level Honesty Rating Personality – Strongest Points Personality
- Biggest Shortcomings Dealing with People — Strongest Points
Dealing with People — Biggest Shortcomings

Next to each personal quality, write down one to three
adjectives you feel best describe you on that facet of yourself.

Now give the list to several friends, your spouse, relatives,
coworkers. Tell them you’re involved in a project or survey and
make sure they can submit it anonymously. Having it completed by
someone you think doesn’t like you can be the most revealing of
all!

How closely do all the lists overlap?

Typically, there will be substantial repetition in a number of
areas. There will likely be divergence between people who know
you very well and those who only see a certain side of you, at
work, at school, in business.

Now combine the lists, deleting the repetitions, so that you
have anywhere from a few words to dozens of words to describe
your public persona. Since we are primarily interested here in
weight management, concentrate on the descriptors that relate to
your physical attributes. Do others see you as you see yourself
or are there a few shockers showing up?

Focus on those and try to ferret out the source of the
contradictions. Are you misleading yourself about the way you
look or are you unconsciously facing the world in a manner
designed to create a certain image? Do you focus on your “good
points” – a small waist you cinch tight with a belt – and forget
about other areas – your hips look enormous in comparison? Do
you fake something imperfectly such as a hairpiece, a shoe lift,
padded underwear? Have you convinced yourself that long, flowing
clothes, or oversized suits, make you look slim? Do you always
study your face in the glow of bathroom warming lights to
convince yourself that the wrinkles don’t really show?

What can be very gratifying and self-affirming about this
exercise is that much of what is written about you is far more
tolerant and non-judgmental than how you describe yourself. You
are your own biggest critic because you know yourself so well -
that old internal criteria stuff. You want to be good, you want
to be perfect, but you are acutely aware of your weaknesses and
dark secrets.

This is where balance can be so nurturing: knowing how others
see you can help you make any changes you want to pursue. You
can start to emphasize certain aspects of yourself while
discarding the tricks that everyone saw through. If you want to
modify your appearance, lose weight, build strength, it will be
valuable only if it is built on the reality of where the
internal and external converge. You are considerably more likely
to attain your goals if they arise out of where you are and lead
naturally to where you want to be.

One more side effect of this little exercise: you find out that
no one in the whole world is as interested, or as focused, on
you as you are! Even close friends and family may have
difficulty in finding descriptors for you: “I just never really
thought about it.” Of course they didn’t because they were too
busy concentrating on themselves. Once you really grasp this
concept, it can be incredibly freeing. You can start to lose
that self-consciousness that tells you others are studying and
judging you. That standing-out-from-the-crowd vulnerability can
start to fade. That “I can’t go looking like this” panic can
start to wane.

And as you start to realize that your weight and appearance are
the primary focus of only yourself, you can start to understand
that whatever your physical shape reflects, it is your
appreciation which is vital, not other people’s. Manage your
weight, and manage your life, for yourself – not for those
others “out there” who don’t even notice.

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