Co-Dependency and Food: Trying to Fill the Void

Nice girls don’t speak up. Nice girls take care of and support
others. These are just a few of the messages girls often receive
as they are socialized. Often in adulthood, these ingrained
messages turn into full-blown co-dependency. Years can go by.
Unmet needs build up energy; they demand attention. But without
learning skills in setting boundaries, letting others feel their
own pain and making oneself a priority, food often becomes the
hassle-free, soothing balm to take the edge off and release that
pent up energy momentarily, that is until the guilt sets in.

We are in one of the following roles when we are co-dependent –
victim, rescuer or persecutor. Following are a few examples of
how these roles play out in our relationship with food:

Victim: You eat too much food. You gain weight and then can’t
eat what you want. No matter what you do, what diet you try, you
can’t lose weight. No matter how you eat, you seem to continue
to gain weight, feeling worse and worse.

Rescuer: The dessert makes you feel better, especially the
chocolate. It makes you feel loved. You feel comforted and
nurtured when you eat certain foods. You reward yourself with
food over the smallest perceived successes. Or someone may
rescue you when you claim you can’t lose weight. “You’ve tried
hard. It’s not working for you. Go ahead and eat it. You’re not
losing weight anyway. You can try that new diet tomorrow.”

Persecutor: You’re great at beating up on yourself. No matter
what you do, you can’t lose weight. Your tortured thoughts go
something like this: “I’m never going to lose this weight; it’s
too hard to lose weight. I hate myself because I can’t control
my eating. I hate myself because I’m not following this diet
perfectly. I’m fat. I’m ugly. I hate myself.”

How do you get out of your co-dependent relationship with food?
First, pay attention to your thoughts – I mean really notice.
What are you saying to yourself about food, your body, your
weight, yourself? Likely you’ll find that you wouldn’t say those
things to your worst enemy. Secondly, write those thoughts down.
Ask yourself if any of your thoughts are really true about you
or do they come from unconscious, past patterns. Next, ask
yourself if you wish to continue to believe these thoughts. If
not, forgive yourself for believing them and replace those
thoughts with the ones you want.

It goes like this.

My thoughts: I always eat too potato chips, and I can’t lose
weight. I’m so spineless.

Are my thoughts true? I don’t always eat too many potato chips.
I’ve been eating dessert, which is probably why I can’t lose
weight. It’s not the potato chips. I don’t know why I said I’m
spineless. I’m not.

Why do I eat so many potato chips? When I ate them today, it was
after that conversation with my friend. I felt angry. The crunch
of the potato chips helped me feel less angry. Now that I think
about it, I eat potato chips a lot when I’m angry.

Do I want to continue believing my thoughts? No. I forgive
myself for eating potato chips to swallow my anger. I forgive
myself for calling myself spineless.

New thoughts: When I’m angry next time, I’m going to express my
anger appropriately and talk with the other person. I’m not
going to eat potato chips. I can lose weight. I am successful in
losing weight.

Learn to listen to yourself and not rely on outside cues for
what you may or may not think and feel. It’s not selfish to meet
your real needs directly. When you meet your true needs, food is
no longer a bandage. Then you can freely choose whether or not
to eat that particular food without the intensity of unmet
emotional needs. It’s about valuing yourself and making
decisions and choices that honor your value. New thinking will
support your weight loss efforts.

1. Prev:Weight Loss Survival When There’s A Party
2. Next:Snack Ideas For Kids That Won’t Wreck Your Diet