Living With An Obese Partner

It didn’t start out like that. Although my wife was just a bit overweight when we married, the condition grew like a slow-moving cancer over a decade. She enjoyed eating and had a fondness for sweets. I didn’t really notice any of the telltale signs until it was too late. We ate out and she ordered a dessert at many opportunities. We had ice cream and chocolate in the house most times and snack foods became more prevalent. By the time my daughter was born, she was 75 pounds overweight and the pregnancy didn’t help. The additional weight gained became part of her body indefinitely. We used to play golf, tennis, bowl, and go for walks together. Now she was unable to be as active, so we stayed in more. That led to even more eating and snacking.

We always liked to travel and continued the trend, even with my daughter now in
the picture. But the walking tours took their toll and time in the motel room always
involved eating. It was shortly after my daughter turned five that my wife noticed
knee problems. A doctor affirmed the early signs of arthritis, which ran in her
family. So now, not only was the weight a problem, the degenerative condition she
contracted would get worse as time went on.

Over the years, I had tried to be supportive. I would mention the weight gain on
occasion and suggest better eating habits. I never brought sweets or snacks into the
house on my own. But, she would buy certain foods or, when I went to store, ask me
to get them. If I refused, a mini-argument took place and I let it go. I encouraged
exercise and had a slew of machines from exercycles, to rowing machines, and
treadmills. I became the only one using them. So years passed and the weight kept
piling on.

Over time, she had tried every diet known to man: Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig,
Slimfast, the Scarsdale Diet, the Grapefruit Diet, diet soda, diet cookies, diet ice
cream, diet everything. Every time she lost some weight, she would gain it back and
more. Our family doctor counseled her to no avail. She was quite simply, addicted to
food.

The problem became acute. She was slowing down and unable to join my
daughter and myself on simple walks at home or on vacation. She would stay in her
chair and eat. Her knees were causing her a great deal of pain and she began
cortisone shots and took handfuls of Tylenol in between, Her weight was over 300
pounds and I feared for her health. I finally couldn’t stand it anymore and took
drastic action. I began reading about a surgical option.

Without going into great detail, we explored gastric bypass together. It was
spring and she was not happy with what the process involved. After pleading to
allow her to try dieting for a desperate last time, I agreed. By that fall, she had
grown by 25 more pounds and acceded to my wishes, admitting defeat. We had the
surgery, but it was too little too late. The doctor told me that her heart had been
under too much strain for too long with all that additional weight. She died at age
55.

This article is a warning and love letter to all spouses facing a similar issue. Do
them and yourself a favor and get help before it’s too late. I waited and my wife paid
the ultimate price. Who knows what would have happened if I had acted years
sooner? I’m not sure if she would have done anything back then, but at least we
should have talked. I know that obesity is a killer and few victims live a long and
productive life into their later years. I know that my wife is reading this in heaven
and would want you too, to save a life, if possible.

Jeffrey Hauser was a sales consultant for the Bell System Yellow Pages for
nearly 25 years. He graduated from Pratt Institute with a BFA in Advertising
and has a Master’s Degree from Monmouth University. He had his own
advertising agency in Scottsdale, Arizona and ran a consulting and design
firm, ABC Advertising. He has authored 6 books and a novel, “Pursuit of the
Phoenix,” available at amazon.com. His latest book is, “Inside the Yellow
Pages.” Currently, he is the Marketing Director for http://www.thenurseschoice.com,
a Health Information and Doctor Referral site.

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