A Fun Story About How To Lose Weight Fast

A Story About How to Lose Weight Fast

“I wish she wouldn’t do that,” groaned Scales. “It’s just too much being jumped on every morning by a great fat lump. Why does she have to jump on me before I’ve even had a chance to wake up properly.”

“You’re lucky Scales,” replied Knickers, from the depths of the laundry basket. “You should see what she does to my elastic!” And then, for good measure, she added. “And my fabric’s being tested to the limit as well.”

“Oh stop it you two,” Bra called from the laundry basket. “I’ve got some good news.”

“Do tell,” said Scales, with just a hint of sarcasm.

“Well, last night, when we were in the kitchen cooking the evening meal, I had a chat with Spoon and Fork. And Fork said that he’d been carrying noticeably fewer calories recently. More salad and vegetables and fewer burgers and potatoes.”

“That might help my fabric,” said Knickers hopefully.

“Yes, but that’s not all,” said Bra. “Spoon reported that he hadn’t carried any deserts for a week. And then Teaspoon said he’d carried a number of low fat yoghourts but no sugar to the Coffee Mug for over a week! Both spoons commented how strong her willpower had been since she’d been doing the Magic Hats Personal Development exercises.”

Their conversation was interrupted by a grumpy voice saying: “these bloody scales must be broken. I can’t believe I haven’t lost a single ounce all week. I’ll have to get some new ones.”

“See if I care,’ said Scales, in a morose tone of voice.

That evening, after some ripping sounds, parcel unwrapping sounds and a bit of bumping around there was a loud crash of something being flung into a box, and then the lights went out.

Not long after, a nervous voice whispered in the darkness: “Is there anyone out there?”

“Hi, my name's Bra. Who are you?” inquired Bra.

“Oh, hi, my name’s I Speak. It’s short for I Speak Your Weight.”

“Welcome to the Madhouse. My name’s Knickers,” said Knickers.

An embarrassed silence fell on the bathroom, so Bra, who couldn’t support a lack of activity for too long, said: “When we were in the Den last night, working on the Computer, Desk told me that She, I mean She who wears us, had been doing some new fangled exercises to lose weight.”

Knickers laughed loudly. “Whatever next,” she sneered. “What on earth are Desk Exercises?”

“Well apparently…” before Bra could give more details, she was interrupted by a flood of light, stamping feet, and gushing taps.

By the time the clamour had died down Bra, Knickers and I Speak were too tired to talk any more and they settled down for a good night’s sleep.

The routine in the morning was the same as ever. Lights on, taps running, clothes hitting the floor, washing sounds, towelling sounds and then the slight creak and the intake of breathe as bare feet stepped onto the cold scales.

“One hundred and thirty three pounds,” said a pleasant voice.

A shriek of delight split the air: “wow! I’ve lost three pounds. I knew those old scales were wrong.” The floor vibrated as She danced with delight.

“I haven’t noticed any difference,” said Knickers mournfully.

“Me neither,” added Bra.

“You will, you will.” Said I Speak enthusiastically.

There was a short silence before Knickers spoke again. “Hang on a minute,” she said in a distressed sort of voice. “If She loses too much weight, She’ll buy smaller sizes and I’ll be out of a job.”

“Me too,” said Bra, “But I’ve been expecting the sack for a while. My elastic’s getting frayed and I can’t give the support I used to.”

“Don’t get too depressed,” I Speak chipped in cheerfully. “The Staff in the shop where I used to be displayed did these Desk Exercises. At first they all put on a bit of muscle, but it was mainly muscle tone. Then, as they burned more calories, they started to lose weight. Always provided they were eating sensibly at the same time. All of that took quite a while to happen.”

“How long?” Interrupted Knickers impatiently.

“Well,” replied I Speak, trying hard to remember. “I seem to recall that most of them lost about one or two pounds a week. It took a long time before they needed new underwear.”

“Let’s face it,” said Bra, “The likes of us, who have moving parts, all wear out eventually. We’re not like Spoons or Forks or even Desks, who last for a very long time.” And then she added cheerfully, “I’m quite looking forward to being re-cycled. It will be a great adventure to see what I become in my next life.”

“I think we’re all right for the time being,” said I Speak. “This losing weight’s a complicated business. She’ll have to eat the proper food so that She takes in fewer calories. She’ll have to exercise so She burns more calories. And all the while, She’ll have to use a lot of willpower so She doesn’t give in to the temptation to have a little snack between meals when She gets hungry. It’s a real challenge.”

“Hum,” said Knickers, who was not really convinced by these sort of arguments.

“I agree,” said Bra. “I don’t believe in worrying.”

“Desk Exercises are the Best Exercises to Lose Weight,” sang I Speak cheerfully. “I like the sound of that, it’s kind of poetic.

“Best Exercises to Lose Weight, I never heard of such a thing,” said Knickers grumpily.

“If it was you who had to lose weight Knickers, you’d have to start with the mind control exercises to get you in the right mood. Mind control is the best way to master those sudden urges of yours. What you need is those Magic Hats exercises so you can get control of your mind before you even think of doing anything else.” Bra scolded.

Desk Exercises, Magic Hats, next you’ll be telling me to sew frilly lacy bits round my edges,” said Knickers.

“Sounds good to me,” said I Speak cheerfully.

“Me too,” enjoined Bra. “You shouldn’t knock things until you’ve tried them Knickers. Now off you go and get your Magic Hats. All you have to do is watch the 12 free videos and do the simple daily exercises.

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