Where Healing Really Lives - Not Always Where You Think

I've been working with women and their bodies and their eating stuff for a looooooong time now- 25 years to be exact. And I've had my own very real ups and downs around the same issues.

Here's what I've found from all of this.

Healing the shame is what changes everything else.

Overall, that's pretty much where we all suffer. And shame by nature is something we squirrel away, we don't talk about it, so it never gets a good airing out. It gets all musty and crusty and becomes even more shameful and hard to look at from that hidden place.

Women who overeat or binge or restrict have a lot of shame about these things. But the shame is usually older, and related to much earlier experiences and without going all psychoanalytical on you, the early shame creates a new container- the eating behaviors, which gives you a place to direct and experience this old shame that's been floating around for so long.

It's complicated...but the healing really isn't.

Air out some shame with a trusted person, let them show you that what you felt was so despicable about yourself doesn't really change how THEY feel about you. Repeat...

In addition, while you are experiencing yourself through new eyes, and taking off what my brother Sam and I love to call "the coat of shame" (it's a sibling joke...) you free up some energy to experiment with new patterns and small actions.

As you air out the shame, which pretty much automatically neutralizes it over time, and as you begin to see yourself differently, you're able to take new actions, which lead to really seeing yourself differently (thru eyes of self-love and compassion) and it all turns out just beautifully.

I've always loved the slogans from 12-Step programs, they tend to really nail this stuff and the one that comes to mind here is "You're only as sick as your secrets". Which of course is about shame, and all of the mischief it can make when you're trying to cover it up... which doesn't work very well and typically doesn't fool most people and so really you may as well get the relief and just find a good place to start to "clean and clear" whatever is literally weighing you down.

Personally, it takes a lot to shock me. I've worked in a women's state prison, a well known psychiatric hospital, and over 25 years of practice I've pretty much heard it all. You eating an entire cake on a Saturday night is not going to make me judge you. Even if you ate it from out of the trash. You'd be surprised.

Anyways, to wrap this up, moving out the energy of shame is a very very important route to healing all of your stuff around eating and your weight. Trust me on this.

Love and blessings,
Lisa

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